No uterus, no opinion.

I’ve been doing some reading in trying to understand the validity of pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS) and whether or not women are just using it as an excuse for their behaviour.  On one hand, I assume that the hormonal imbalances within women during different stages of their menstrual cycle cause them to act in an irrational manner (though, there has not been any consistent research to support this). However, at the same time, I’ve also been reading about how PMS is a social construct that women have created in order to justify their behaviour. Apparently PMS has only been identified by Western cultures as Eastern cultures barely even acknowledge this as a thing.

This is all so confusing. I want to believe that PMS is real due to bodily changes, but is it also a product of my imagination? I know that a week or so prior to my uterus shedding its lining, I can be quite the emotional roller coaster. Sometimes I just want to lay in bed and cry, then I’m off to raging at someone for being five minutes late, only to be later satisfied by a slice of double chocolate cake with fudge icing and chocolate sprinkles… all in one day. Knowing about my “unstable state”, those that are close to me write me off when I am upset about something.

Why is she not talking to you?

Oh, you know, that time of the month.

Why is she crying during this episode of Modern Family?

Hormones.

You’re upset that I didn’t pick up my phone before four rings?

Ring Ring, must be your period calling.

Sure, when you’re not on your period or lack a uterus, these all sound so silly. But, in the moment, we believe that these are real problems. My take on this whole thing is that PMS is something that only projects or amplifies inner feelings that have not been acknowledged.  Maybe PMS is something that helps us realize that something is upsetting us but we just don’t know the exact cause of it.

Let’s say you’re mad at your boyfriend for not picking up his phone before it hits voicemail. You call him again and he picks up. You’re screaming at him for not picking up the first time and you vow to never call him again. For an outsider looking in, this may seem unreasonable. For you, however, it’s completely justified. But, think about why you got upset. It’s not because he didn’t pick up the phone, but it could be because you believe that he is unavailable to you. You’re feeling neglected. Maybe you feel that he is not prioritizing you. Perhaps you’re jealous that he’s spending time with his friends more than with you. You’re thinking that he doesn’t value the relationship. So here, the issue is not the missed phone call. The issue is deeper than that: you feel that some need has not been met. In this case, you would like for him to be available to you when you’re not feeling your best. You need comfort.  That’s what’s upsetting you. BUT, because everyone knows you’re PMS-ing your behaviour is quickly dismissed and no one bothers to dig deep and understand the feelings behind your reaction.

My advice is this:

MEN: A woman’s behaviour during this special time of the month may seem irrational to you, but to her, it’s very real. Think about why she’s feeling this way. What need is not met? What underlying emotion are you not tapping into?

WOMEN: Ask yourself the same questions. Why are you crying? What about this moment is making you this upset? What emotions are you not tapping into? Can you express this without scarring everyone off?

How can you be taken seriously if you’re kicking and screaming at everyone? Your issues are important but no one is going to recognize that if not packaged nicely.  Before reacting, take a minute to yourself and see if you can let this feeling pass. Take a deep breath and let go of that anger and get in tune with your inner emotions.

…But then again, what do I know? I’m just PMS-ing.