Sorry, I'm not interested

A few months ago, I came across this article, "Stop Saying "I have a boyfriend" to deflect unwanted attention." and it really spoke to me. For a few years now, if any male showed me any indication that he was interested in me, I was very quick to play the boyfriend card... even if I didn't have a boyfriend at the time. To me, it was convenient. It seemed like a win-win situation: No one's feelings got hurt and there's no awkwardness on the guy's end (or so I assume). BUT, after reading this article, I see why this is a big problem.

First of all, saying that I have a boyfriend shouldn't really mean a thing. So what if I have a boyfriend? If I were to remove my boyfriend out of the equation, does that mean that I would suddenly be interested in you? Nope.

What happens if I'm in a relationship with someone and you happen to pique my interest? Am I going ditch the oppourtunity to try you out because I have a man? Nope. [I'm not implying cheating here but if you're just having fun and not in a serious relationship, then why not? Be sure to tell your partner first.]

Telling a guy that I have a boyfriend shows him that 1) I don't have any control over the situation and 2) I kinda dig you but having a man prevents me from pursuing any kind of relationship with you. These two messages are probably not even right to begin with.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that your decision to reject a guy is independent of the fact that you have a boyfriend. You're rejecting the guy simply because you're not interested in having a relationship with him. Period. And, of course, this applies to guys as well. If you're not interested in starting anything with her, tell her. 

So, with that in mind, I decided to try it out. I told myself that I was going to throw the "I'm not interested" line on the next guy that asks me my number. 

So picture this. 

I work at a private counselling agency and I get somewhat chummy with my clients. It's my style of counselling and I find that it helps more times than not. So anyways, I get chummy with this client.. Richard (Obviously not his real name but we'll call him that because everyone knows that the nickname for Richard is Dick). So Richard's next appointment is coming up and I usually call clients ahead of time to confirm their attendance. I call up Richard and let him know that he has an appointment tomorrow and was wondering if he would be able to make it. He says no and that he has to re-schedule. As I'm trying to accommodate him into the schedule, he starts putting on the moves and casually asks me for my number. I then (kindly, if I may add) told him that that was sweet and thanked him for the compliments, but then let him know that that was not going to happen. He sounded a little surprised (Richard disclosed to me in counselling that no one has ever rejected him) and asked me why. My feminist, empowered brain kicked into high gear and I remembered the article and proudly said the three words that I vowed to use: I'm not interested.

Oh hell, did that backfire.

Following my courageous words was the longest awkward silence. I felt triumphant up until the silence was broken with Richard laughing and saying, "Oh wow, this must be really embarrassing for you. I did not mean it like that."

Excuse me? Why else are you trying to get my number? You trying to sell me car insurance or something? 

How did he turn this around and embarrass me? Like I said something wrong. Telling guys that you're not interested may be the right thing to do in theory, but hella hard when putting it into practice. 

People, don't make this harder than it is. If someone is not interested in you, then it is what it is. Move on. End of the day, it comes down to respect. If you don't respect my wishes, you sure as hell won't respect me as a partner. 

Don't be a Richard about it

There she is, Miss America

This week I watched a brilliant video by John Oliver as he takes an intellectual/satirical approach to dissecting beauty pageants. Growing up, I've never really been a fan of watching these pageants, and quite frankly, I hated the fact that they always interrupted whatever show that was previously programmed to air. Rude. How could they move aside the Simpsons for this?

These days though, I find that I still don't like pageants...but for other reasons. All in all, you're probably going to get a biased opinion here. For the sake of research, I wanted to sit through the pageant and really absorb what it's about, but to be honest, I can barely sit through 10 minutes of it. I really don't see the point of it. Women dress up, look pretty, walk up and down a run way and are evaluated on... beauty? How well they can walk in a straight line? How well they matched their bikini to their lipstick? How well they can answer a question in 20 seconds? 

From what I've heard and in what I've seen, my understanding of pageants is that it's a competition and that there's some prize money associated with it. I have no quarrels with this. I like a little competition as much as the next person. Throw some prize money in there and you got a deal. Hell, you're talking to Miss "sits around the radio waiting to be caller number 9 so I can win some random prize" over here. However, what I do find annoying is the emptiness of the competition. 

Again, what am I being evaluated on? I went on the Miss America website and found this:

Finals Competition Scoring

The scoring for the Miss America Finals Competition is weighted accordingly:

Composite Score- 30% (Top 16)

Lifestyle and Fitness in Swimsuit - 20% (Top 16)

Evening Wear- 20% (Top 10)

Talent- 30% (Top 8)

On Stage Question (Top 8)

Final Ballot

Source: http://www.missamerica.org/news/press-kit/national-judging-process.aspx

Here's what I have a problem with: 

1) Lifestyle and Fitness in Swimsuit:

Ok, so you look great in a swim suit. You must have worked really hard to get there. I'm not even being sarcastic . Anyone who has ever been to a gym religiously knows how hard it is to maintain a nice body so koodos to you for sticking to your guns and achieving it. But, so what? You have a nice body. Great. Now what? Why is your body shape so important that it has to be rated? Why do I care what kind of body you have? 

What's the criteria here anyway? Are we looking at size ratios? Are we looking to see if you have a thigh gap? flat stomach? muffin top?  How can anyone standardize the definition of a beautiful body? What does a beautiful body even look like?

2) Evening wear:

What are we really judging here? Your taste in dresses? How well you can pull off a dress? What happens if you pick out a hideous dress? Do we blame the dress for your low score? It's the dress' fault that you didn't win Miss America? Why is this category even relevant? So many questions.

3) On stage Question:

What are we really proving here? How well someone can answer a question in 20 seconds? John Oliver says it best in that even the president cannot come up with an answer that quickly. By the way, did anyone actually notice that the contestants are not even evaluated on their answers? There's no weighted value associated with it. So basically, you can have a kick ass solution to world hunger, but it doesn't count towards anything.

Besides, I'm no expert on the matter, but I've never actually seen Miss America (or any other pageant winner) acting on any of the things that they claim they would do. I feel that they just tell us what we want to hear and pretend like these are the issues that really matter to them.

Overall, I believe that pageants are designed to showcase outer beauty. I'm not saying that outer beauty isn't important, but that there is more to an individual than how he or she presents themselves. I thought that the question and answer portion of the competition was the most bearable because it provides an opportunity to pick out their brains but, as you can see, it doesn't even matter in the end. It barely has any weight in the outcome. Why aren't we praising people for their intellect or their achievement? Why are we not showcasing women who think outside the box in order to make a difference in the world? Why are we so hung up in finding women in bikinis and evening gowns attractive and not women in lab coats? When was the last time your regular programming was interrupted for the Nobel Prize Award Ceremonies? Think about THAT.

I seriously recommend watching the full video...